![]() Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt." 15. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake Citythe flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" 14. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. ![]() Please do not leave children or spouses." 13. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments." 12. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." 11. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. ![]() If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite." 10. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." 9. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. >From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. ![]() After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." 8. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big ! fella. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." 6. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane" 5. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." 3. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" 2. At DIA, i would fly my citabria there and land her on the 16000' runway just for fun at 3 am, and when the redeyes would come in i would watch, and on their frequency just before they started to flare i would yell on the radio 'FLARE!', i think it made them mad.
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